Beauty is where the heart is - Advice Time # 1

Hey there!

Guess what? It's time for me to get back into my element and write AN ADVICE POST! YEAH! This reminds me of writing my advice column for various Michigan newspapers back in the early '90s. Back then I thought the internet was something you used to dunk a basketball, LOL!

Today's question (MY FIRST ON THIS BLOG!) comes from Mike Steward of NJ. Mike writes:

"Dear Jeremy,

I recently asked a girl I like, Michelle Seward [name changed for privacy] to my 8th grade graduation dance but she told me she was alredy going with this other guy i know, Tim Davis [name changed for privacy]. Tim is really popular and all the girls think he's really cute. I don't think any girls think I'm cute. I asked my older brother Jake about it and he said I'm ugly and shuld get used to it. What should i do? Do I just accept that I'm ugly, or am I just letting other peoples' conceptions of beauty mess up my life? Should I try tobe beautiful? Can you really change? I mean i know ther'es like plastic surgery and stuff but that's expensive and I'm only just about to get into high school. What do I do?

Signed,
Mike Steward, NJ"

Hi Mike. Let me start by sharing a thought about beauty in the form of a quote from a famous philosopher:

" There is no cosmetic for beauty like happiness." - Marguerite Gardiner, Countess of Blessington, Desultory Thoughts and Reflections (1839), p. 90


Do you see what she's saying there, Mike?

The thing about beauty is that it is like talent: some people have it and some people don't. You can try to get it and you might get it at least partly, but you'll always be fighting an uphill battle. Plastic surgery requires a lot of maintenance. Heck, real beauty requires a lot of maintenance too, so you can imagine how much surgically-created beauty takes. If you're willing to put in the hours, it might be an option, but before you go that route I want you to take a step back and think about this in more of a "big picture" sense.

If you're not beautiful, maybe even ugly, maybe you need to accept that physical attractiveness is NOT your Personal Strength. You've got to find what that is and cultivate it. Maybe you're good at skateboarding or rollerblading. Maybe you can write songs. Heck, maybe you understand computers and will become the next Bill Gates or Steve Jobs. Maybe you'll do them one better and "open the GATES to new JOBS and even CAREERS for a lot of people!"

When you find your personal strength then you can find another person (in your case a girl, or after the appropriate age time, a woman) to share you life with. She probably will not be very beautiful either; that's just how it is sometimes (I say sometimes because sometimes some really strange things happen that even I don't understand, so there's hope for everybody) but you'll find that her personality and Personal Strengths will make you like her so much that you'll forget that she isn't attractive to you.

And don't feel bad for how confusing all of this can be. Life is confusing sometimes. Back when I was in school I asked this girl I really liked, Becky Chalmers, to the senior prom, and it wasn't until later that I realized that a) she wasn't a high school senior, she was a student teacher and b) that 8th graders weren't allowed to attend the senior prom anyway, so even if she'd have said yes it wouldn't have worked. See, even your "old bro" Jeremy takes a ride on the Dumb Train sometimes!

I hope this has helped you, Mike, and remember: beauty is where the heart is, inside you. Let me know if you have any more questions.

Until next time, keep those questions coming!
Think well, live well and be well!
Jeremy Kellerman

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